True Confessions of a Rescue Mom

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Stuart - our goldendoodle puppy that was a rescue is such a cutie pie!  What is not to love right?  Well, I'm going to tell the whole truth in an effort the give hope to others that might experience the same bonding issue as I have had although I have never seen anyone else admit to this problem - am I the only one then? 

Rooney (our 11 month ALD) in my dreams was a cream puppy with a black nose - what I ended up with is a stunning parti colored, brown nosed doodle that is the love of my life.  He came to us pretty much potty, crate and leash trained.  He isn't perfect but in my eyes is about as close as you can get.  But I felt something was missing - I could tell he was bored and lonely, I felt he needed a brother or sister.  When I saw Stuart's picture on the adoption page - I just knew he was meant to be Rooney's brother and I jumped through the hoops to make it happen, driving 500+ miles one way to go get him out of the foster home - I all but begged for that dog.  The $20. adoption application fee, the $810. adoption fee was steep (who thinks rescue puppies are cheaper? - NOT) only to get there and find out that darling baby Stuart was sick with every known yucky parasite and giardia - nasty.  You have to realize that I don't do yuck very well but I did everything that I could, including catching poop on a paper plate to help Stuart get well and to protect Rooney from becoming infected.  Trip after trip to the vet with the price now well into the $1,200 range and that is without the needed neuter. 

Stuart quickly showed us how loving and smart he was - he learned his name, how to walk on the leash and did good with his potty training.  A real sweet heart - so what's the problem you ask?  I didn't feel like I loved Stuart - yes I took wonderful care of him but I had never bonded TO him.  We left to go to MI with me feeling exhausted, a little bit depressed and wondering how I could have made such a terrible mistake, one that I could see no way to fix.  I couldn't "return" Stuart like he was a pair of shoes that didn't fit.  Was this caused by his illness in the beginning and my not being able to cuddle and snuggle as much as I did with Rooney.  Is it because Stuart is bonding to Rooney and not as much to me?  There is a happy ending here - I wish I could tell you what changed but I don't really know.  Did I just need the extra time, perhaps with the potty training going well I was just getting more sleep?  In the past week something has just blossomed in my heart for my baby Stuart!!!  We swim in the pool together (something Rooney hates), we have our own snuggle time.  My worries are gone and I LOVE this little guy every bit as much as I do Rooney.  I just wanted to share that sometimes love doesn't come in an instant like we would expect and that not to give up because it can still happen!  There was a feeling of shame - like I had failed & was a bad doodle mom.  If anyone else out there ever goes through this - I just want you to know that you are not alone. 

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Wow Jane, I had no idea this happened with you and Stuart-I would have to say all the stress at the time and the sickness and treatment that you didn't get to bond right away like you said neither did Rooney. So I'm sure they are getting used to eachother too. All of it happened so fast that you may have felt regrets but at least they love eachother right? This usually happens when you get another dog, they team up and be sassy at us instead of cuddling with us!! The picture says it all and things will get easier now, you did such a great thing and you will love him to pieces and a word of advice-my vet and trainer said to spend individual time with them leaving one home when we go for a ride and the next time the other stays. It's hard to do-I admit that we didn't and now Myla will not stay inside herself without whining and crying so if this is still possible it may help with the bonding and also reassuring Rooney that he is still the love of your life. Double doodle love is the best!!!

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Rooney & Stuart - I can't imagine one without the other - they are the best of buddies!!!!! 

[Phoebe's Mom]

Beautiful!  Thanks for sharing so honestly with us.  I just love that picture!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, You are a brave lady! With both my dogs, I felt like I had postpartum depression and worried I had made a mistake. I was just so darn tired and I forgot how demanding a puppy could be. I don't care what anyone says, it is a major life change, just like having a baby, and frankly, when my DD had colic, I wanted to return her too. Luckily, neither of mine were sick in the beginning, so along with being sleep deprived you were also grossed out and of course, that made the bonding easier....NOT. I am sure you are not the first, nor the last, to wonder about what you had gotten yourself into, but I am so glad it has a happy ending. The other day, Vern jumped up on the sofa with me and laid his head on my shoulder and Fudge sat on the floor right beside me wanting me to rub her head, and I said out loud, "This is exactly where I want to be!" I get it...I really do!! Sometimes, I think we jump in with our whole heart and it takes our head a little time to catch up :)

[Chelsea and Bailey]

I thought I coined PPPD(post partum puppy depression)! ha ha.  Laurie, that is exactly how I felt with Bailey.  The first night was magic... and then somewhere in between being sleep deprived and B pee-ing on the carpet 10x a day - ON TOP of being taken outside anther 12 (trust me I wrote down everytime she pee'd one day- that is the real number!) that I snapped and had a breakdown in the middle of the floor and just cried and cried.  Cute little puppy looked at me like WTD? and came and licked my tears away. 

 

Jane thankyou for saying this and please dont feel like you are alone. I cant remember how long it took to truly bond with my girl, but like you said, one day it just happened and suddenly dealing with all their "puppy stuff" was not as hard as it seemed before.  I think the reason we have so many dogs who are abused and neglected is because the owners do not acknowledge these feelings and end giving the dogs up to the shelter or tieing them outside... YOU are a great doodle mom and I look up to you and love reading your posts! Thank you for bring light to this touchy subject!

[Sandy]

Oh my goodness - that totally describes what I had with Toby - postpartum depression.  I just never thought of it that way.  I think we must have had similar experiences.

[Dori & Rua]

Great discussion Jane!  Loved the title.  I haven't gone through that since I took the easy route...one tiny little health puppy who had all of my love and attention.  I can only imagine, knowing you, how awful you must have been feeling.  That is awesome that Stuart likes to swim...kinda like kids, huh, they are all unique but in the end, they are still your kids and you love them because they are.

[Janel and Sophia]

What a truly moving story Jane..  I am positive that there are others out there, going through the same thing but afraid to voice it. Thanks for sharing!

 Looks like one Happy Family now.....

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

This just has not been easy to admit too.  I'm on a website where I feel like everyone else is the "perfect" doodle mom.  But I KNOW that I can't be the only person to have ever needed a little bit more time to bond.  The additional work with getting a second doodle was a little more than I expected due to Stuart being so ill and I'm not a spring chicken any longer - lol.  The happy ending is that I did get my cream colored, black nosed doodle!!!!!  AND I adore him.  He was meant to be ours but in telling this story to others, I am hoping that others who do go through this will know that they don't have to hide it, that it will pass given enough time.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Jane, you are amazing for sharing this. I know what you went through is completely normal. I have friends who have confessed to going through similar things with their own children. It's unfortunate that there is so much stigma out there about this, and not enough people feel they can express it. I'm glad you have bonded with Stuart and everything is going well!

[Frances Pendrous (Horan)]

Oh yes....at last someone has put into words, feelings that I had but was horrified for having them. As with yourself, we acquired our darling 10 week old cream, fluffy puppy for an absorbent price but boy it was instant love. She grew and knew of no hardships whatsoever, was adorned with love and attention from both my husband and I till, in fact, she grew to become "indifferent" towards our kisses as they were in abundance. We decided she needed a brother/sister and felt ashamed of the actual amount we have paid for her when so many dogs were in need of a good home, so we rescued our Johnny from DRC. A coal black, street-smart youngster who was discovered wandering the freeways of So. California. It was an instant attraction for me, but not an instant love. He felt different, he smelt different and he certainly acted different. He actually would never pull away from stroking or kissing, he just could not get enough and still cannot get enough. But, as with you, I liked him and was happy I had him but it was not instant love. Fast forward six months, he still smells different, but I now love his smell, he still feels different (he has a coarser coat) but I love his tight black curls, yet he still cannot get enough love and attention but our hearts are open to giving it as much as he wants. I was not sure if it took this long to truly love because 1) he did not come in as a  cute cuddly puppy or 2) his character was already so very molded....either way, you are right...it is not as easy and does take time, but eventually.....LOVE comes and they worm their way into your heart forever. Now...my Johnny is as loved as my Frankie and neither my husband nor myself could imagine life without him. Thank you for sharing the story that so many of us live yet feel guilty in saying.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Frances - thank you for your kind words of understanding.  One very real problem that I had with Stuart - was his smell.  It was repulsive to me,  made my car stink, my clothes stink, I bought breath fresh stuff for dogs that I put in his water, mouth spray.  I was praying that with better food, the mediciness finishing, that whatever that bad smell was, would go away or I feared I could never get close.  Thank goodness it did go away but it took about 3 weeks.