Different Priorities

[Camilla and Darwin]

DH and I recently decided to move a couple of hours away to attend a university we both love. Honestly we were expecting happiness and congratulations from our families but that hasn't been the case. They have raised the typical questions like cost of moving, leaving current jobs, making a big change, etc. We expected all of that. What I didn't really expect was how Darwin started to come up in the protests.

My family is aware that it's been hard for us to find dog friendly housing. SLC is not very pet friendly, and finding a cheap, nice, large dogs allowed apt in a good area is near impossible. But with this move, we are heading somewhere that is even less dog friendly. And it's stressful, knowing that almost no apartments will allow Darwin. I know that we will find somewhere, it will just be kind of difficult. Still, having a dog is limiting our choices immensely and they are very worried that it will affect our education.

Certain members of my family (in-laws and immediate) feel that Darwin was a very bad choice. They feel that we should never have gotten a dog while we were still young, and in college. And they think that he is holding us back, monetarily, our living situation, our time availability, etc. I suppose that to a small degree, it's true. We have spent money and time on Darwin that we could have spent elsewhere. But that is true for any hobby, responsibility, choice, etc. And the thing is, it was our choice to make. We made it, and we aren't sorry that we did. We love Darwin. The worst thing, is that it has been suggested by more than one person that we get rid of Darwin to make it easier to finish school, or rehome him until we are done. (over a year). I am baffled that anyone who knows us would think for one second we would consider this. My reaction to the suggestion certainly cleared that up.

I guess this blog is kind of a rant, so bear with me. :-) I've been feeling really down lately, because I've started wondering if maybe it WAS selfish for us to get Darwin before we "should have". Everyone knows college students aren't the best dog owners, right? Should I have listened to that stereotype more? I have scrutinized our ownership of Darwin and I can honestly can say that we have never compromised when it comes to Darwin. I've always been proud of that. We've payed for higher quality food, vaccines, vet costs, daycare, training, spending lots of time with him, etc. Even so, maybe Darwin ISN'T getting the home he deserves, because we move so much, because he doesn't have a yard, etc. It's just so frustrating to be so proud of my accomplishments with Darwin, and to have most other people that know me think it's a waste of time and money. Where as I (and DH) view these choices with Darwin a good thing, everyone else seems to be looking down on them. Thinking that they are irresponsible, meaningless choices.

I'm not saying that I would ever consider getting rid of Darwin. That would NEVER happen. I'm not even saying that I regret getting him, because I don't. It's just hard to have something that I am 100 percent proud and happy about, be torn down by people I care about. To have family say that we never should have gotten him, and should get rid of him now... it's painful and it makes me very... sad.

I know for many of you it will be confusing that family members are so involved in our lives. Why are we discussing our move with our family in such detail? Why are they giving us advice about Darwin? It's kind of confusing for me too. All I can say is that we are still young (22) and our families are a big part of our lives right now. One thing I am hoping is that when we move further away we will start to become more of our own independent unit, and rely less on family advice and involvement.

Obviously if I said this to anyone else they would not get it. "It's just a dog" has been said to me way too many times. What is ironic about this is that if he really is "just a dog" then why do they all care so much? I'm so glad to have a group of people here that I know get it. I am so sick of having to feel guilty about being a good owner to Darwin. Why oh why are our families not dog people?

[Lynn D.]

I searched for rentals in Logan that allow dogs on Craigslist, it came up with about 63 listings. There were a few that looked promising. Not sure what your budget is.

[Jennifer and Jack]

at the risk of my mother someday reading this.... I will be careful.. LOL... I am sorry that you are dealing with this. Family and really close loved ones have the ability to hurt you more then anyone else. It just stinks.... I almost passed out when I heard your age because you are so mature, wise and so responsible. I had no idea you were at the ripe old age of 22...

 

I am 38, and I still think people think they know what is best for my life more then I do. I know it is painful when you try so hard and still get comments..

 

I would want to be Darwin any day, He is loved, cared for and that is all that matters in life. As far as family not getting it?? If you figure it out, how to make family stop saying hurtful insensitive things. Fill me in....

 

You rock... and in my next life, if I believed in Re incarnation, which I don't I would be glad to come back as Darwin...

 

 

[Susan and Sasha]

Camilla...

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

I know how important it is to have the support of your family...and their opinion is important to you.

From everything I can see...you and your DH are amazing "parents" to Darwin...and he is blessed to be in your lives...and he in yours!!

It's not always a matter of timing...money...or what might seem like the "best thing to do at the time".

You bought Darwin into your lives...and made his life better for it...and made your lives much more fulfilled and complete because of him!!

I understand that at another time...you might be able to afford to provide more "stuff"  for him"...but "NEVER" more LOVE!!

Having your Doodle might affect getting into some apartments...but...you will be able to find "Just The Perfect Place" for all of you!!

Camilla...Sometimes it's  difficult  to have a different opinion from your family.   But I do  believe that You Made The Right Choice When You Decided To Bring  Darwin Into Your Lives...And To Live In His Forever Home!!

Hugs...Susan and Sasha

 

 

[Camilla and Darwin]

Lorainne, wow, we are kind of similar! I met and started dating DH in 8th grade, and we almost did get a Great Dane. LOL!

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Camilla, I had to laugh when I read your post.  I know is isn't funny but I am a senior citizen (no longer 22 years old) and haven't told my mother about my second doodle because I know what she will say.  "If you have enough money to get another dog, you can afford to come visit me!".  She lives in California, I live in North Carolina.  I don't know if some mothers EVER stop giving unsolicited advice or commentary.  I am sure that my mother doesn't get the attention she wants and I am sure my life is organized around my dogs.  You know, they are more than dogs and they can sometimes be more than family.  You guys are doing a great job and it IS your life.  Guilt is a useless emotion.  There...my unsolicited advice and commentary.

[Lynn D.]

A second thought, who are you trying to please you and your husband or everyone else?

 

My mother guilted me from almost 5000 miles away. At least you can still drive home in an hour and a half to do laundry and get a meal.

 

[Lynn D.]

Instead of looking for an apartment, why not find a rental house. If you look for someone that rents out their house and NOT a management company you will have better luck as I have.

[Lorraine Bromley]

You are my son and his girlfriend and I am your mother! My son and his girlfriend went to college 5 hours away and instead of moving into dorms they decided to move in together. I was not against her at all just I think it would be a better experience for the first year. We lost. They did very well. They have been together since grade nine. They decided to get a cat. We said shouldn't you wait until you get settled ect ect ect I am sure you heard. They didn't and got charlie. When they come home Charlie comes home too and lives with her parents and gets visits here. Then that wasn't enough they wanted a dog. We were not happy. They were living in a very small apartment and who knows for how long? Where would they go to another spot with animals? The cost, the time involved. Love sometimes isn't enough. But they did. Not only a dog, a great dane. First it was lets look on kijji! We had a huge fight over that. We believe you either rescue from a shelter or get a reputable breeder. We won on that one depending on the way you look at it. We ended up paying for the difference between the kijji one and the pure bred one. She is 7 months and beautiful and well behaved. They are living back home for the summer so she is living here and I look after her. BUT I have to listen to their rules and their way of training. Not something we always agree on. It causes alot of fighting. THE SPAY was a huge deal as well. They only wanted the least expensive spay with out extra fluids no tummy tuck no blood work. So I paid the difference and had it done. I am the one who takes it to the vet visits and looks after her depending on their schedule. Luckily they are moving into a home with a yard close to a dog beach and trails when they return to Northbay. But in reality they are not in a more stable situation to have gotten a dog to fulfill their needs and wants and not what is best for a dog in their lives. And with out us to help out they would find it much more difficult. We still can't even discuss a better diet based on the information posted on DK. So she steals my dogs food. Everyones relationship would have been better with out a dog at this point. But I would never give her back or let them lose her. I do think it was a mistake at this point in their lives, but I also understand that they are wanting to grow up faster than school and jobs will allow them too. I also don't want them to rush into being a family when they could spend the time finding themselves instead of being tied down. If your family is telling you what they think than it is a good thing they feel close enough to be honest with you and love you enough to care. It is very hard to let your kids go out and make mistakes as we have been protecting you for your entire life. Your family will always be doing that until your well over middle age. You need to sit down and talk to the nay sayers in your family and explain your reasoning to them. They may not like hearing that you know what your getting into at first but they will go and discuss it behind your back saying well they seem to know what they are getting into. Then they will support you based on how you behave dealing with a dog and life and school. I am typing right now while they are at work and the dane is at my feet sleeping in a bed she stole from my dog. They will get over it especially when you show them you are doing fine.

[Dori & Rua]

Keep true to yourself Camilla.  While it is difficult to have your family not support you on this, remember, they are your family and they love you so much they only want what THEY think is best for you. It just isn't what you know is best for you.  I have total faith that with your strenghs, talents and determination you will make it work.

 

And we all know that "Darwin" is not JUST A DOG.  I do have a confession on that phrase, that could have been me saying that in my past.  I never had a dog and didn't "like" them.  Truly, it wasn't until Rua came into my life and made me love her so much that I actually turn down going out to dinner because I don't want to leave her, that I finally understood that they aren't JUST A DOG!

 

You have all of us here to love and support you, Camilla!

[Clifford, Cloud, Jake..and Kim]

Camilla, you should be proud of how you've raised Darwin.  You and DH know what is best for your immediate family and as adults you have every right to take chances and make your own choices; that doesn't stop family from giving their two cents but hopefully someday they will be honest enough to tell you how proud they are of what you have accomplished and how great a job you've done raising a beautiful big doodle boy named Darwin!