Different Priorities

[Camilla and Darwin]

DH and I recently decided to move a couple of hours away to attend a university we both love. Honestly we were expecting happiness and congratulations from our families but that hasn't been the case. They have raised the typical questions like cost of moving, leaving current jobs, making a big change, etc. We expected all of that. What I didn't really expect was how Darwin started to come up in the protests.

My family is aware that it's been hard for us to find dog friendly housing. SLC is not very pet friendly, and finding a cheap, nice, large dogs allowed apt in a good area is near impossible. But with this move, we are heading somewhere that is even less dog friendly. And it's stressful, knowing that almost no apartments will allow Darwin. I know that we will find somewhere, it will just be kind of difficult. Still, having a dog is limiting our choices immensely and they are very worried that it will affect our education.

Certain members of my family (in-laws and immediate) feel that Darwin was a very bad choice. They feel that we should never have gotten a dog while we were still young, and in college. And they think that he is holding us back, monetarily, our living situation, our time availability, etc. I suppose that to a small degree, it's true. We have spent money and time on Darwin that we could have spent elsewhere. But that is true for any hobby, responsibility, choice, etc. And the thing is, it was our choice to make. We made it, and we aren't sorry that we did. We love Darwin. The worst thing, is that it has been suggested by more than one person that we get rid of Darwin to make it easier to finish school, or rehome him until we are done. (over a year). I am baffled that anyone who knows us would think for one second we would consider this. My reaction to the suggestion certainly cleared that up.

I guess this blog is kind of a rant, so bear with me. :-) I've been feeling really down lately, because I've started wondering if maybe it WAS selfish for us to get Darwin before we "should have". Everyone knows college students aren't the best dog owners, right? Should I have listened to that stereotype more? I have scrutinized our ownership of Darwin and I can honestly can say that we have never compromised when it comes to Darwin. I've always been proud of that. We've payed for higher quality food, vaccines, vet costs, daycare, training, spending lots of time with him, etc. Even so, maybe Darwin ISN'T getting the home he deserves, because we move so much, because he doesn't have a yard, etc. It's just so frustrating to be so proud of my accomplishments with Darwin, and to have most other people that know me think it's a waste of time and money. Where as I (and DH) view these choices with Darwin a good thing, everyone else seems to be looking down on them. Thinking that they are irresponsible, meaningless choices.

I'm not saying that I would ever consider getting rid of Darwin. That would NEVER happen. I'm not even saying that I regret getting him, because I don't. It's just hard to have something that I am 100 percent proud and happy about, be torn down by people I care about. To have family say that we never should have gotten him, and should get rid of him now... it's painful and it makes me very... sad.

I know for many of you it will be confusing that family members are so involved in our lives. Why are we discussing our move with our family in such detail? Why are they giving us advice about Darwin? It's kind of confusing for me too. All I can say is that we are still young (22) and our families are a big part of our lives right now. One thing I am hoping is that when we move further away we will start to become more of our own independent unit, and rely less on family advice and involvement.

Obviously if I said this to anyone else they would not get it. "It's just a dog" has been said to me way too many times. What is ironic about this is that if he really is "just a dog" then why do they all care so much? I'm so glad to have a group of people here that I know get it. I am so sick of having to feel guilty about being a good owner to Darwin. Why oh why are our families not dog people?

[Camilla and Darwin]

Thank you all for your comments, I appreciate all of them. I just love DK! For who asked, we are moving to Logan, UT. I don't think there are any members on DK who live there, but hopefully I will find fellow dog owners to arrange pup play dates with once we move! I think that like everyone has said, I need to maybe let this roll off my back and stop taking their "advice" so personally. :-) Usually I have a thick skin but when it comes to things like my pup, I can be really sensitive. It's good to know that so many others have had similar experiences, it makes me feel A LOT better! Thank you all for the support, it really means a lot!

[Elizabeth & *Kosci*.]

Oh' when it comes to family,everyone has an opinion on how wrong your living your life.

14 years ago I had just bought home a 8 week dalmation puppy, only to find out about the same time I was just pregnant, so I kept my pregnancy quite ( a few weeks longer) so my family couldn't have a go at me on how I was going to puppy train and be pregnant at the same time.. It all works out and I wouldn't change a thing,

[shelly]

Oh Camilla!  I am so sorry I am just seeing this now -(it's so late here - almost 1AM) and you have been in such angst all day!  I have read most of the posts from our wonderful friends on DK!  And they are all right!  I DO know what it is like when parents are so involved in our lives even tho' we are older and married.  ( I live around the block from my parents and my in-laws have an apartment off our house).  Sometimes after I tell our moms something and I don't get the reaction or support I was looking for, and they play the 'devil's advocate', I get SO mad at myself for talking to them in the first place.  And funny, I remember my mom getting upset at my grandmother for doing the SAME thing to her.... I am trying to not follow suit with my children.  You are so wise beyond your years, and although we don't get to 'talk' to your DH, I am sure he is to.  You have accomplished SO much as young adults and Darwin is probably the best of all!  We all know the effort and discipline that it takes to raise a puppy - into a GOOD dog!  And YOU have done just that!  I am sure you will find a place to stay that accepts dogs and perhaps this is a 'gift'.... you will become a bit more independent from your family.  Remember, it is probably difficult for them to see you as an adult, as they are still rearing young children at home.  Sometimes parents don't realize that adult kids need support or just a sounding board, and don't need the "problem FIXED"... after all, I know as a mom, all I want to do for my kids is to 'fix' my kids' problems and make all the pain, anguish, or hurt go away.  One last thing.... no matter how old you are, or who you speak to.... if they don't have a dog that they see as one of the family... they will NEVER get what our doodles (or dogs) mean to us... and all I have to say to that is... "too bad for them"!  I hope tomorrow finds you a bit more at ease!

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

I'm sure they love you and don't realize how their comments affect you, but bottom line is that it is all just thier opinions. And you know what they say about opinions, they are like A--holes, everyone has one.  Not calling anyone a bad name here. Do what you want and feel is right and let the chips fall where they may. It's your life. I raised my kids with the feeling that "life is a wonderful teacher" and what I can't teach them, life will. So go out and learn!!!

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

would they be saying the same if you had a baby? Darwin is part of you life, and you made the decision knowing that it would limit you. You may be young, but you seem pretty mature to me. Mature enough to get married, go to school and have a dog! And for it all work out great!

My Mum questioned our timing to get Cooper - I already had 2 cats, was between jobs, DH (not yet DH) was between school and a job....... but it meant we had the time to train a puppy. She also questioned when I got the 3rd cat! But she loves to come visit (she lives a 9 hour flight away) and she is out every day with Cooper.

 

[F, Calla & Luca]

As a parent I can tell you that it is difficult to see your children making what you think are bad decisions. My kids are grown and know that if I see such situations I will comment. I tell them I think I have to but that I know in the end they will do what they, as adults, think is best. I think it is negligent to say nothing but I certainly don't expect they always, ever?, take my advice as the last word.

[Adina P]

Any valuable addition to your lives will make life more complicated.  It will be harder to find a home, harder to travel, and more expensive to have kids too.  But that doesn't make those additions foolish or bad.  I totally know what it's like to have over-involved family members...or at least those who think they need to advise in areas that aren't their business.  They just want you to have the EASIEST life possible.  BUT...THEIR life didn't become easier when they brought you into the world and I'm sure they don't regret it at all. That's just life.  It's NO fun to have people you love and care for make you feel like you're crazy for making a simple change, but it happens too often. Sorry, Camilla.  They WILL get over it though when they see that you and your hubby are perfectly capable of handling this.

[Ellen, Brûlée, and Tira]

Chin up, Camilla.  You are having a difference of opinion with your family.  It happens, sometimes.  You know they are giving you advice that you can take or respectfully not take!  You are young. (How sweet it is!)  And you are their child (This is a forever thing!)  But you are not a child!  Pretty cool to realize that you can make your own decision,s and it's ok!  Listen to them, as you know they love you, and let them know you appreciate their advice.  But you have lots of reasons to do things you are doing a little differently from what they might choose to do. Time will pass, and so will this difference with them.  Not to worry!

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Camilla, just take it from Lisa... Parents can be a Pain in the....doodle!!  LOL!! 

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Oh and the guy she started dating is now our SIL, the boxer passed but the puppy was in their wedding and the cat stayed home....the day after the wedding they picked up their new boxer Lily, we were so mad at them.... ha ha ha ha