It's So Hard To Be Murphy

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I think just about everyone knows about our journey with Murphy...the training and behavior therapy to help him manage through his reactiveness and aggression.  Well I think we're through the outward manifastation of his fear and insecurities....no more horrible barking, lunging and "freaking out" on walks when he sees other people or dogs.  Over the past few weeks we've been seeing some new behaviors that make me feel almost worse.  Murphy has now been trained to know not to "react" to other dogs, but that doesn't mean they still aren't very frightening (or if not fear whatever the intense emotion is) to him.  So now when we see another dog we pull him off to the side and allow him to look, but defer his attention to me and treats, and affection.  He does it...and he actually looks away from the other dog now on his own.  The really sad part of it all is that he's so uncomfortable that he shakes and lately he has diarrhea within a few minutes of passing the other dog.  My guy is internalizing this horribly stressful experience for him, and it makes me feel so awful.  Today was a particularly difficult day for him, and it was all about one fluffy white dog who for some reason made him very uncomfortable.  Once he saw this dog (and we worked through it without a reaction) he could never again relax for the rest of the walk.  He was totally stressed and his body was stiff so that we just took him back to the car and came home.  I really don't think there are any more new "miraculous" answers for my Murph than what we've been able to learn and implement over the past year or two....just on some days my heart breaks to see what he struggles with.  I sometimes think it would be better to just keep him home where he never is stressed, but I know that's no answer.  Just venting...

[Pat and Traveler]

Oh, Jane--I'm so sorry for Murph, and for you.  I know you've already performed miracles with Murphy--please don't forget that, even while noticing this new reaction.  He could very well work his way through this after-effect, as he gradually realizes that only good things happen after the "white dogs" of life go by.  I don't know.  What I do know is that this is yet another bump in the road, and you know yourself that there just isn't any quit in you.  You hit a wall, get up, dust yourself off, take a few deep breaths, and carry on as best you can.  Maybe there will be an occasional fluffy white dog, but here's hoping they are few and far between. 

Hugs to both of you...

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

I'm so sorry that Murphy has this burden to bear in life. And where would he be without you? I too am hoping this is just another temporary phase that he will work through, as he has the physical reactivity, and one day soon he can relax and enjoy life with you. Hugs to both of you!

[Sue & Lily Grace]

Jane, I am so sorry this is the post I read after being gone from the site for so long. I know you will do anything to help Murph through any of his problems. Keep positive. He is a great boy.

[Stella]

Sorry, typing on my phone & making mistakes!! You want him to offer calming signals, not caring!!

[Stella]

Have you read about Behavioural Adjustment Techniques? There is a great book by Grisha Stewart, you can get it from Dogwise.com. It is all about reactivity, dealing with it, and giving functional rewards. I went to a BAT workshop and found it really helpful with my reactive dog. The idea is that you reward you dog for the behaviour that you want - in this case you want Murphy to offer caring signals, one of which is looking away. Then you reward him functionally with something he wants. In his case it is probably moving away and getting more space from the other dog. If you haven't tried these techniques already, you might find it an interesting read.

[Wendy and Myla]

I think I would look at it as another "stage" - He has gotten past "reacting physically" when the dog goes by and is now dealing with the "after effects" and has to go through that stage quite a few times and then will realize that everything works out!  I used to be terrified of walking across bridges while hiking!  For the longest time I would stand at one end and try to make myself go across and couldn't do it.  Realizing I was missing out, I "made" myself cross it but with my eyes closed. Huge step BUT after crossing I would cry and cry and be shaking like crazy.  This went on for about five years and I'm happy to say that now I can cross a bridge (with just a bit of hesitation at the beginning) and then be fine after!  No shaking and no crying and just enjoying the rest of the hike!  I'm sure that Murphy will do the same - especially with you being there to support him!!!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I have no words of wisdom, but I hate when our dogs are stressed. I am so sorry Murphy lives with this uncomfortableness and stress, but I know if anyone can work through it with him or make him feel safe, it is YOU! Give him a huge hug from me.

[Camilla and Darwin]

 It's good to hear that he's doing so well with not outwardly reacting, a credit to both of you.

The description you gave of him shaking and getting sick from stress breaks my heart. Poor Murphy... :-(