Most Blessed Person in the world.

[Jennifer and Jack]

I am talking about me... yes me, the girl who was just hog tied to a bed for a week with a breathing tube shoved down my throat, a collapsed lung, and pneumonia, The girl who has to do 18 hours of IV therapy a day until further notice. Hours of breathing treatments, The girl with two college degrees but on Medicaid and living mostly off her family...

In the bible it says where sin abounds, grace abounds even more.. or something close to that.....  I will tell you that for me personally, where sickness is in my life, God's grace so far supersedes and and all diseases.

I won't lie, even with all the blessing and love bestowed on me, I am still so weak that I would, given the chance walk away from it all, minus giving up my faith.

I don't know how to convey to you what it is like to live in my shoes.... The way God designed me, or my parents DNA however you want to look at it created me to thrive off of love. I don't care about monetary gifts I never have, but tell me you are praying for me, thinking of me, love me and I get the most amazing strength.

I am not talking about a co dependent way. I am whole and complete on my own.. but my life is hard.. (as is all of our lives) and the secret to my happiness comes from interactions and relationships with people.

I didn't always have but I have had for the last 10 or so years a massive amount of friends, family and support. This past bout with fighting to stay on this side of the dirt taught me so much.

First it taught me that my mom is no one to mess with when it comes to her daughter. I have never in my life seen my mom so proactive so on top of things ever. She took care of me in a way I always secretly dreamed my mom would.. Not saying I wanted to go on a vent, I never would but God used that chance to show me my mom rocks.. and can kick butt, before I went on the vent my mom never knew much about my health really, the details,, when I woke up, I heard her using medical jargon like she was a doctor,

The total and complete overwhelming response from the group I moderate has left me speechless, yes blabber mouth is speechless, Daily I got letters and emails from them, they called my mom to support her. As soon as they could they sent massive flowers, candy, hand paintings of Jack and Molly, Now it was a lot of stuff,but what touched me is that people love me enough to care about me... Care doesn't equal doing things, care equals just loving me.

My health is still not stable, unfortunately we can not get my cough to calm down which is causing my airway to be swollen which is a bit scary..

Another way that I see as a blessing is.. I was in the emergency room and I was waiting for my bed in ICU, I was not on life support at this time..... I needed to be but I was refusing... I get scared and just say no. My director of the hospital who happens to be my friend.. came to see me in the ER, in spite of the fact that I told her not to because I didn't want to bother her.. well she came and when she saaw me, she is the one who convinced me to let them tube me.. She promised to stay and talk to my mom when my mom got there, that was the reason I said no, I didn't want my poor mom to walk in and unexpectantly see tied to a bed crying with a tube down my throat. My friend/boss, not only stayed with me and held my hand while the tube went in, she waited for my mom and explained everything to my mom. I was told by my friend, my mom and the doctor, that if they had waited even a few more minutes, my airway would have been completely swollen and they could not have got that tube in my throat. What timing my boss had. Thank you God.

Today is the day I normally get my shipments of iv medications for the week. I hate this day because so many boxes come, and it is a mess to deal with.

Today, the door bell rang I did not get up, my dad answered the door and brought a much smaller box into my bed room, I opened it, A girl I have never met in person but know her through the Paw Pad bought me a brand new IPAD. She snuck behind my back, called my mom, talked to my neighbor and decided she wanted to get me something that I would never get for myself.... I have always wanted an IPAD but come on, I can barely keep up with my regular bills..

I was and am so astounded at the kindness of people, She told my mom she wished she could take the disease from me but since she can't, she wanted to make my life more fun... I get weak in the knees when I think that someone would do something like that... the heart behind it just makes me sob.

As i was laying in bed, another shipment came, this time another friend sent Jack a stuff toy golden doodle, just in case Jack misses Molly. She sent me stamps that say love on them, they are forever stamps, and they say foreve love on them. She wanted me to know I would be loved for ever..

You can't look at my life and not see the absoulte hand of God in my life, no matter what God you believe in. Though I am sick, though when I was little I dreamed of being a stay at home soccer mom who didn't like dogs. Considering my health, I have the best possible life ever.

So many of you are my friends, so many of you have sent me private messages, emails and PM messages.. For Christmas this year, I am going to print every private message and email, every letter, every kind word, as well as take all the gifts I got and I am going to place them under the tree, and I am going to like I do every day, Thank God for each one of you.

I would encourage you, even if your life didn't turn out the way you wanted it to...look for the blessing in it. Look for the good things and you will see them, keep your eyes on them and the bad things will start to fade into the back round.

That is what I am doing, it works.. I know it does, I live by that principal Not to say I don't complain, I do say how I feel, I am scared, I am fearful and I am worried but I am most grateful for the blessing in disguise, the obvious ones and for every kind word, Each thing has helped to heal me.

Hopefully soon, I will start to get better... Until then I am grateful for each of you. never doubt the power of a kind word, an email or a gesture from your heart.. never think it is insignificant

Thank you for being a part of my happiness, thanks for allowing me to be insanely in love with Jack on here and not look totally insane...

The Most Happiest of Holiday's to each one of you....

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Jennifer, I wish you Gods speed at healing and a joyful Christmas. My wish for you is better health, and continued happiness. You are as always in my prayers.

And your parents, well they ARE amazing!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Your outlook is wonderful and I hope it helps you get better soon and stay home with Jack. Wishing you happy holidays and a healthy, happy New Year

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

Jennifer you seem to embody the spirit of the saying "Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, but today is called the present because it is a gift be sure to enjoy it"  You yourself are clearly one of god's most special children which makes your parents special too, because he entrusted one of his most special children to them.

May you always have the joy in your heart that radiates through what you wrote in this post.

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

Jennifer, you ROCK! You are such an inspiration!! While I have survived the BIG C, my treatment and all the yucky stuff that went with it pales in comparison to what you are enduring. I admire your faith and your ability to see God's blessings in your life. A friend once gave me a little handwritten note that said, "Don't worry about tomorrow because God is already there." That little note boosted my spirits and I hope it does the same to yours! Love to you and Jack!!

[Rhonda, Marabelle & Jeriki]

So Glad you are on the mend. Thank you for sharing, Im going home to kiss my DH and three boys.

 

 

Rhonda Krieger