Why I Haven't Been Around Much

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

To all my Doodle friends I just want you all to know how much of an emotional escape Doodle Kisses has been for me the last almost three weeks.  You have no idea how much it helped me get through some bad times by just taking a few minutes to read all the comments.

 

My mother would have been 90 this September.  Over the last 5 years she developed Type 2 Diabetes, Dementia, could not walk and became incontinent.  We had three wonderful girls who took care of her in her home just three blocks from my house.  The Dementia made my mother mean and nasty and hateful to those who loved her and that in itself was very hard for me because she was my best friend and the last 5 years she was not the same woman.  Also, I lost the ability to talk to her, cry on her shoulder or just vent.  She just was incapable of any love, feeling or conversation unless it was complaining about herself and how she wanted to drive her car, get all these "people" out of her house and she wanted me to give her back her check book!!!  No way...she didn't have a clue what she was doing and eventually could no longer even hold a pen or sign her name.  She didn't know who I was half the time and when she did she would kick me out of her house.  Thank God for my Gracie Doodle.  She is what has kept me sane all these years!  With the help of DH and our two kids.  So, I was in Boston three weeks ago for Mother's Day with my son and grandchildren.  We flew all day back to San Diego on Monday, turned on our phones at the airport and had a message from one of the caregivers.  She didn't know what to do but my mother was acting strangely.  We told her to call 911, took a cab home, dropped off our luggage and drove up to the hospital.  On Thursday the doctor finally did a Cat Scan and said she had had a stroke in the Pons area of the brain.  She could not speak or swallow and was paralyzed.  Only thing to be done was to insert a feeding tube into her stomach for the rest of her life.  My Power of Attorney said no heroic measures and no life support.  Also, what we were seeing in the hospital was the best she would ever get and it was not a good quality of life.  So I had to make the decision to take her off all life support and bring her home to die.  We called Hospice and they transitioned us to home and trained my three caregivers as to what to do and about the morphine.  After that, the watch was on! I have to say that this is the most painful thing a person could ever go through.  I would so much rather a heart attack or stroke where you are gone instantly.  Our lives have been on hold and it is hard to know what day of the week it is.  It took her 16 days to die without water or food.  She died yesterday morning at 9:24 AM in our family home where I grew up and was surrounded with all her family but my son and grandchildren.  They are in Boston and we couldn't keep them out here for two weeks with the kids in school and things.  My son did swing through San Diego by detouring his business trip to the West Coast to see her so they did get to say good bye.  My mother still had her eye sight and hearing for those two weeks and so she knew who was here.  My son is again arriving in a few hours (after the fact) but he needs to for himself.  My daughter drove down from San Jose with her husband and dog over a week ago and she and Luna have stayed on.  We flew her husband back to work but flew him back down last night.  So, I will have both of my children here tonight through the weekend which will be nice. 

 

I hope to get back active to DK soon.  There are still things to be done.  We have a reverse mortgage on her house and now need to empty out 55 years of stuff and memories so we can do some remodeling and put it on the market.  We have one year to pay back the RM from the time she vacates the home.  Lots of sadness, memories and laughing are soon to come as I go through pictures and momentos. 

 

So I just wanted you all to know how much DoodleKisses means to me and how it is my "go to" place when I am sad, lonely or just want to feel like I belong somewhere.  I thank you all for being such wonderful friends.

 

Nancie and Gracie Doodle

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nancie, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I have been wondering where you have been and missed your comments. I am sorry your mom changed so much in the last five years and know that had to be so hard to watch. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Coco Chanel and Cheryl]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss! It will hopefully get better from here.

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

Oh, Nancie! I am so sorry! I am lifting you and your family up in prayer!

[Camilla and Darwin]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, I'm thinking of you and your family.

[Linda and Murphy]

Nancie, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Ellen, Brûlée, and Tira]

Nancie, it's good to hear from you, though sad to hear of your painful emotional loss.   l hope you can feel the love and sympathy of all of us who have gotten to know you via DK.  We are praying for your heart to find peace and healing.   

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Sorry to hear this Nancie, it is such a hard thing to go through and I understand completely as I used to do private duty for many older folks just like your mom and I am also headed down that road with both my parents as their dementia has progressed considerably in the last year. So nice that we can give you some support and distraction through this rough time. I feel the same about our DK family. Please take care of yourself.

[Martha & Cooper]

Nancie,  Thoughts and prayers are with you.   I am so sorry for you loss.   I can relate to your pain, as I am the main caretaker for my own Mom, who is having some of the same issues and is not the same Mother I grew up with either.   It is terribly hard....   I understand completely.

[Adrianne Matzkin]

I literally feel your pain and I am sending your hugs and prayers. I just went through the death of my Dad last month.

 

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

We miss you guys. So sorry for your loss, you are right it is the worst way to pass. It's awful to see people who are not in their right mind it hurts even though you know they don't know what they are doing. Glad you didn't give up on her when she didn't realize it was you that is so hard. Take care of your mom Gracie.