Civility--Be Nice!!!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

We have wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. There are conflicts in the Middle East and many other places. Can we not make DoodleKisses a place where kindness and civility reign?  We are all entitled here to express our opinions on many topics as long as there is no profanity, or commercialism. I would also plead that we do not personalize issues by criticizing one another,  personalizing comments, or taking them personally. There really is no need to be defensive or offensive. This is basically about doodles. We can disagree without rancor, can't we? 
Aside from an occasional post by a doodle or someone's child we are all adults : )  I for one spend time on DK because it is informative, fun and sometimes I believe I can add something informative, supportive or even amusing. I do not want to become angry or even annoyed by people sniping at one another. If you don't like something said respond by disagreeing with the content. Ignore those posts that don't interest you. Adina has as the first guideline of DK "Be Nice".  Let's abide with it. And please don't shoot this messenger!

Addendum:
I believe that my intention about being kind has been heard loud and clear. Now, I think it is time to put that thought into action and focus on doodles and happy themes. So I am closing this discussion. Afterthought can be sent to me directly.

[Dr. Judith P. LaVorgna]

When three women come independent of one another to this discussion and indicate there is a problem with regard to being heard, in no way is that "ganging up". Of what you have said of the person, that could also be said of me...and has. Not one person stepped in last night when my flesh was being burned. I percieve that is either out of great respect or great fear of the poster. Either way that leaves little middle ground for those who might like to add something but don't or won't. This is not a gangland killing, the question of civility was raised and it seemed clear to me at 9:36 this morning it was raised from a conversation in which I had tried to participate rather late last evening. It should in no way diminish your feelings or attitudes...it was not aimed at you. Quantify it if you would like it is between me and the poster responding. The sarcastic response was meant to diminish any opinion I might have had in the matter under discussion. Quite surprisingly two other people popped in today having experienced similar feelings...those two with me are not to be taken as a ganging up by any manner of means. Each have a different set of experiences. You own your feelings and attitudes as I own mine. You have not experienced these interactions and I hope you never do. Finger pointing or name calling (or not name calling) this is issue related to a person who leaves little room for difference in opinion.. Like you, I'm comfortable stating how I feel. Does the behavior need correcting? Absolutely for the free and open thinking of all who visit DK...whenever and however they come and how long they stay. Would it have been corrected in a classroom of fourth graders. I think so. That is the heart of the matter with regard to a group of people who have a shared love of Doodle dogs...it allows for and encourages divergent thinking and always a response that is tempered and moderated rather than non-sense or a way to close out another poster.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Let me speak for myself....I felt no need to intervene either out of respect of fear (and that is actually laughable if you knew me) of "the person". Again, speaking FOR MYSELF, this totally feels like "ganging up". I understand that nothing was aimed at me, but that has nothing to do with how I'm feeling. It was aimed as someone who I respect and admire and who has helped me and the Doodle community greatly, and so it doesn't sit well with me. You viewed the response in question as sarcastic (which is fine because, as you said, you clearly own your point of view). I did not. I viewed it as a response to feeling like you were being a bit condescending. As I said earlier, there is a great deal of subjectivity in how communication is interpreted by any individual, and that's okay. Also, it takes WAY more than this dialog to diminish my "feelings and attitudes". As a matter of fact, right now I'm having trouble coming up with what would actually diminish my "feelings and attitudes". I absolutely love divergent thinking, but then I usually gravitate to the opinion that is fact based, and the people who are basing their opinions on research.

[Holly St Pierre]

I can’t believe this discussion topic. I had the same type of message typed up this morning due to all the “bashing” I have seen on here, but chose to delete it. I totally agree. Everyone is entitled to have their own opinions. Let’s remember what the site is for, Information & support. It got me through many tough moments when Gunner was a puppy & I am thankful to have it for reference, however sometimes it becomes to intense for me.

[Adrianne Matzkin]

So basically it isn't WHAT is said, it is how the typed word is being interpreted'?

I am not here to defend anyone but I have this to say - if you can't take the info/criticism that is given out of pure love for doodles, after spending hours of personal time doing research in order to share it to your particular issue/product, then that is something you need to work on.

I was blasted here in DK last year after I said that I 'rescued' Samantha from a Pet Store. Well, that made me do my own research and learned how wrong I was. This person was not very easy on my feelings to put it mildly and for a few days I was concerned about posting here in DK. But that was MY problem. But what I was most guilty of was not doing my homework.
Since then, I learned so much from this person who is now my mentor and friend, that I now foster, adopted, pull from kill shelters, schelp, bathe stinky doodles, train those who have never had any, clean more poop, spend countless hours looking for doodles who need our help and whatever else I can do to help a doodle find their forever homes.

Can you imagine if I allowed those comments to effect my life?
I wouldn't have Charli,
Mickey wouldn't be with Marissa & Seamus,
all the DKers who have started fostering just maybe because of some of the things I have posted and now have adopted a 2nd doodle because of fostering,

So - please remember that although words may come out harshly, the heart behind it is pure gold!

[AndySharon BoomerShaynaMariner]

I know there are those on this forum that I have offended. Although it was not intentional. I will make my opinion known especially when I read about someone asking about breeding two pet store doodles, or euthanizing an animal because it has a treatable illness even though it may be inconvenient for the owner. I will comment when I beleive someone is doing something harmful to the animals or to the community. I will also at times post an item to bring awareness to an issue.


I do try to be diplomatic, but there are times that responses must be direct.

I am glad Adrianne told of her experience. From the directness of the responses Adrianne has become a role model to the Doodle rescue community. Yes Adrianne did let the comments affect (or is it effect) her life and we are thankful for that.

Andy

[Adrianne Matzkin]

Thanks Andy!!! I certainly found a '2nd' life after kids grew up and moved out.

[F, Calla & Luca]

This is in response to Andy, Leigh and Adrianne. I in know way believe that any individual that I know of on DK has anything but good intentions and good "hearts". Some, no many people, go out of their way to help other members new and old and we should all be grateful for that. But I suspect Adrianne you could have learned your new understanding about doodles and rescue in a kinder gentler way. Wouldn't that have been better. Certainly, Andy, no one want to silence your opinions and support of doodles who are in danger of being bred willy nilly or being euthanized when better options exist. I agree with Leigh, debate yes, rudeness no.

[Camilla and Darwin]

I think this post is ganging up a little as well, and thought I would give my input. Yes, there are people that are more frank about opinions and have a tendency to offend people. One reason for this is that they are PASSIONATE about what they are speaking about. That passion is what makes them such a great asset to DK, and such a great source of advice.

We all love our doodles, and have our own areas, be it medical, behavioral, etc. that we know a lot about, or that have touched us in some way. It tends to lead to strong opinions and passionate feelings. I value this in DK. Everyone has their own area of expertise, and although it is hard to listen to sometimes, I value the advice. I believe that most people here mean well, and truly want what is best for our wonderful doodles. I agree that everyone should work towards avoiding rudeness or snarkiness, but I also feel that everyone should work on being less easily offended, and seeing the good in what people are saying. Don't take everything so personally, and try to see past hurt feelings. Lets not be so touchy!

There are specific people that may be considered more blunt here on DK, and I will say that I have learned SO much from them. I greatly value their HONEST opinion. Sometimes things are better said without sugar coating!

[F, Calla & Luca]

I do agree that most incivility starts over a difference of opinion or passion. But I also think that sometimes it starts when the first person to be "snarky", feels threatened in some way. There is no need to be unkind. We need not take things personally if possible but if we all treat each other respectfully and are able to allow for differences of opinion, feelings will not be hurt. Good well intentioned advice or opinions need not be given with sarcasm or dogmatism.

[Wendy and Eddie]

Just a question--I've noticed a difference in tone and voice among contributors, and I wonder if part of it might be an East Coast/West Coast thing. (I haven't looked at anyone's profile to test my theory!!) I have friends from the East Coast who have shared that when they moved out here to the West Coast, they were perceived as being curt, abrupt, rude, while they felt like us native West Coasters were really laid back wimps who never come to the point. So could this be a matter of "voice" and style in the writing?

[F, Calla & Luca]

If so that is only part of the problem.

[Kim]

Isn't this discussion a discussion asking the members of doodlekisses to "be nice?" Yet it ended up for some being about trying to hurt one person. Not "nice."