How to comfort and help dogs when they lose a human parent

[Michelle]

My husband, 44 years old,  just died suddenly in a car crash on November 21, 2011. I haven't been on here too much lately but I was hoping for some advice on what to do or change to help my 2 labradoodles (2yrs old) deal with his death. I am having a very difficult time and my children (11 & 12 yrs old) are being stronger than me, but I worry about the 4 of them very much. The dogs will watch the door, waiting for my husband to come home. I let them smell his clothing and the clothing he passed away in, but I don't if that helps. Any suggestions?? Thank you!!

[Pat and Traveler]

Michelle--so sorry to hear of your loss.   I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through.  The dogs will adjust in time, and I so hope they can be of some comfort to you.  Blessings and prayers to you all.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

I am so sorry for you and your children's tragic loss, I am sure your lives have turned upside down.

I would not worry so much about your doodles, they will adapt more easily than you think, sometimes it is hard not to read into their behaviors but as long as you give them what they need, nourishment, love and exercise they will be fine.

Please take care of yourself, that is the best thing to do for your kids and doods.

God Bless.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Michelle, I am so very sorry to hear of this tragedy in your life. I pray that you and your children and doodles are comforted as time passes. As you love one another through this, I pray that you will allow each one to grieve as needed. There really is no formula to make it better. Please write to DK any time. We are all anxious to support you in any way possible. Lots of hugs and doodle kisses. 

[Camilla and Darwin]

I don't have any advice to give, just my deepest condolences. I am thinking of you and your family. I'm so sorry.

[Barbara B., Sasha & Oliver]

I am so very sorry for you loss Michelle.  The loss of a loved one is the most difficult thing to go thru for you, your children and doodles.   I think keeping your normal schedule would be the best for all around but do things in a happy way to remember your husband.  When my Dad passed my Mom would have a mass dedicated in his name, my sister and I would go to church with my Mom and celebrate his life.  It made all of us feel just a little better, she did this every year until she passed, it was a really nice remeberance to my father.   I know that dogs feel the loss of a family member too, some dogs take a little longer than others but they do get over it.  When I had to put down one of my Shih Tzus the other one looked for her for about 2-3 months, she would have the look on her face "where is Daisy?" as time passed she became accustomed to being the only dog.  My sister's chowchow took about 5 months to get over the loss of their other dog.  My only advice is to find comfort in your memories all this is still very new, try to do happy things with your kids and the dogs.  As time passes, the pain does get less but you never forget. 

[L.M.]

I am so very sorry for your terrible loss.  I agree with everyone when they say that there really are no "strategies" for dealing with such an incredible loss.  Time heals (at least a little bit)  and I think that is just what all of you need.  Rely on each other (your children, yourself, and dogs) for comfort and gradually things will start to rebuild again.  (And of course visit us here on DK every so often when you need a little laugh!)  

My deepest condolences to you and your family and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.  

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh Michelle, I am so very sorry.  I remember your beautiful family from our Doodle romp.  It was so evident that your husband was a fantastic Dad.  I can't begin to imagine the pain that you all must be feeling.  If there is ever ANYTHING that I can do to help, please just message me.  I'm not that far away.  Do you have family near you to support you through this?  Those big, beautiful Doodles will be fine with just a little time....they are resilient.  You need to take care of yourself, and try as much as possible to maintain a routine....dogs love routine.  Please know that you have a whole community here on DK that will always be here for you. 

[Dawn]

Michelle,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I have no advice to give in regards to your question.  I wish you and your children all the best. 

dawn

[Sue & Willy Babe]

 I am so very sorry for your loss. Your dogs can feel your sense of grief, and pain, I wish I had the answers for you and your family.  Keep on hugging your children, and hugging your doodles, they sense everything my prayers will be with you and your family.

[KAHLUA]

Michelle,

I am so sorry to hear of you and your family's loss.  You are a very loving woman to worry so much about your two human children and 2 canine children.  My prayers go out to you and hope that you have someone in your life that is taking as much care of you as you are for your family.  Words can't even express the heartache you and your family are going through, I hope that any relief you can can from people reaching out helps you.

God Bless!

[shelly]

Oh, Michelle!  No words can express my deepest sympathy for you, your children and your dogs!  I am SOOOO SORRY!  How unselfish of you to worry about your dogs and what pain this must add to what you are already feeling to see them grieve as well.  I don't have any answers.  Have you spoken to your vet or an animal behaviorist?  Perhaps they can give you some suggestions.  Please feel free to let us help you in any way we can.  You and your family will be in my prayers!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

Michelle, this is very very hard for you and I am thankful that you came here to share your sad news and your concerns for your grieving Doodles.  Grief is a long and hard road and I suspect that your dogs like you and your children are having a very hard time right now.   There are no easy answers to grief as it an expression of love and loss.  There are no healing words that I can say that will help and I think the fact that you came here shows you are a caring doodle mom.  You must take care of yourself which can be very hard and it's Ok to show that sometimes you are not strong and that you do have days which seem harder than others.  It may appear that your children are stronger than you but they may be trying very hard to show you that they are managing.   Try not to worry too much about the future and take each day one small step at a time.  I will be thinking of you and hoping that you post here again to let us know how you are getting on.