DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Hi All,

I have been on this site for a year and a half. I have gotten some great advise and made some nice friends.  I have gotten great grooming tips, food advice, lots of laughs and a few tears.  However, I have noticed recently when people ask questions, there is a tendency to be a little forceful with answers.  A lot of people are asking  questions or looking for solutions for real problems....aggressive dogs, food issues, re-homing issues...and instead of lending a sympathetic ear and helpful advice, there seems to be some quick responses with judging comments.  Often times I feel sorry for the person asking the question, and some of the answers are mean-spirited.  Some are very helpful.

Sometimes people don't see previous posts.  When someone re-posts something, or asks a question, again...the poster is not doing it to be a pain...maybe they just didn't see the original post.

I like this site. I like knowing peoples stories, and their pups.

I hope that this post can make people think twice before they post an answer to a post, where the poster is seeking advice.  The advice might be something that the poster does not like, but it can be stated in a kinder way.

For example, I am really nervous that people are going to react harshly to this post.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

 This is a good point, Karen. I have gotten to the point that when I see certain discussions posted here on DK I know immediately that they are going to end badly. Before the first comment is even posted. I know there is no way the people on this site are going to be able to give that person what they are looking for. I know the person is going to end up angry, hurt and defensive and will probably leave DK forever.

Perhaps we just need to realize that not all sites are for all people and that this type of thing is bound to happen on occasion.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Exactly. Nothing is perfect, and that goes for on-line forums. And as on-line forums go, I think this one is closer to perfect than any other.

[F, Calla & Luca]

This is the only forum I actively participate in and there are so many good reasons for that. I never would have believed I'd get so involved and here I am.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Exactly.

[Pat and Traveler]

Amen, Ricki!  I don't much care if somebody goes away with hurt feelings--that can happen anytime to anyone who posts on a forum.  My real fear is that an angry, hurt, defensive, disappearing owner will take those bad feelings out on the dog that 'caused' this discomfort.  So I'll try to be gentle and kind, even to owners who appear to be complete idiots.  If they don't feel attacked, they might listen and learn and really do a good thing for their dog.  Maybe.  Probably not, but maybe.          

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

Spot on... I don't hang around forums generally,  but this one has captured my heart and my head. There is so much kindness and good sense and knowledge that some days I am overwhelmed. I think as far as on-line forums go this one is pretty dam good. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Oh, I like this.........I really do!!

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Was "I didn't post a complaint about how mean they were, I just left" directed toward ME? 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Pam, I hope you are joking.

[AndySharon BoomerShaynaMariner]

 

Karen - I totally agree with you.  I could not have said it better.

 

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I also wanted to say timing is everything sometimes. For a while there, we were seeing one post after another where somebody didn't want their dog...one dog was diabetic, somebody was moving and on and on and it started to feel like DK was becoming a dumping ground for getting rid of your Doodle. I know I didn't feel so badly if those people got their feelings hurt and left.  They only posted for one reason and they didn't care about any other members, their dogs, or their own dog.  But where there is bad, there is good, and along came a new member, Regina and Hurley, and her dog was very sick, but she wanted to help him and keep him and look at how DK got behind that family, raised donations, and offered up moral support. To me, that is why I love DK.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Balance.  Nice