I got dog-shamed

[Sara]

First, I'm new, so forgive me if this has been discussed previously.

Second, I got dog-shamed today....and I don't even have my puppy yet! :(

Scenario: I was at a holiday party with, well, let's call them "snooty intellectuals". Lol.
I was asked about our puppy. I said we were getting a goldendoodle. Cue the eye rolls. I asked why I was getting eye rolls. I shouldn't have asked. It began a long diatribe of "people like you who pay WAY too much money for 'designer dogs' and how I am contributing to the over-population of mutts---because that's all I'm REALLY buying is a MUTT!" Oh, and that I would do the world a favor by rescuing a shelter mutt instead, blah, blah, blah.

Wow. Ok.

I gave my reasons for adopting a goldendoodle: less shedding, smart, kid-friendly, cute ( I admitted I was a vain consumer on that one, lol), basically that the goldendoodle "fit" all my family's wants/needs in a dog.

Then one man in particular told me--smirkingly-- that all of my criteria for a dog fit a POODLE and that it would have been a more responsible choice to make.

Sigh. I gave up the fight at that point and just said that none of them could ever pet my dog, EVER! and I stomped my foot and flipped my hair! Ok, not really, but I did say that I chose what I think is best for my family and that I hope we could just all be respectful of each other's choices.

Ugh!!!!

It hasn't changed my mind--at all-- about adopting our Doodle. But it did make me feel, well, bad!? One stupid party and I'm questioning my ethics about dogs?!?! I think I'm avoiding work parties for awhile....

My question: has this ever happened to you with regards to your Doodle, and, if so, what did you say?!?!

[Rosemary (Ro) and Enzo]

I'd say 98% of the comments we get are all positive.  Once in a great while, we get some self righteous idiot, who thinks they know it all, and will make a comment.  One comes to mind of 2 women at Starbucks.  One whispered very loudly....Oh.....that's one of the stupid Designer Dogs.  The other commented how cute and decided to bring me in on the conversation.  Let's just say they left thinking I had a VERY RARE Goof-a-Doodle ( yeah, they were THAT dumb), that I had to mtg. my house for the dog, but that she was well worth every penny.  I figure if people can be rude and ask all sorts of dumb/nosey questions....I can give equally dumb answers. ;)

[al haskins]

All dogs are designer dogs.

[Anja]

I used to get the why I spend so much money on a mixed dog question all the time. My response now is how come nobody questions how much money we spend on the latest electronics, cars or other gadgets. At least my dogs enrich my life on a daily basis and add true joy and value to it. I cannot say the same about a lot of other items that cost more than my dogs did.  That usually puts an end to the conversation. :)

[Julie and Charlie]

The next question is going to be "How much did he/she cost?"

I tell them straight up, but then I continue on with the on-going cost of owning a dog, as well as how much veterinary care costs for even the simplest things. That seems to really make people realize that the initial price is nothing compared to the long-term. 

[Sara]

I DREAD that question--especially from family members who think it's ok to ask since we are family! Whenever I get asked what anything cost I always say "it was free". Lol. That is usually enough of a "snarky" answer to shut people up. :)

[Wendy and Myla]

I just reply "It doesn't matter because she is worth every penny to us!!!!"

[Jen W]

My dog is billed as an Irish Goldendoodle. However, I know exactly how pretentious that sounds so whenever a stranger asks me what kind of dog she is I say she is a mix of poodle, golden retriever and Irish setter. No one has ever said anything snooty in return, though I'm sure if I said she is an Irish Goldendoodle they would.

People judge things they don't understand. It's human nature. I don't get too worked up about it. Shake it off (shake it off).

[Abigail *George & Juno*]

We got dog shamed when we got our Goldendoodle, by rescue people (very dear friends actually). My reply was, "you don't like goldendoodles? Don't get one. :)" I post way too much of my dog for people to ask about what I spend, my reply to that would most likely be "stopped keeping track when we brought her home! :)" it's nobody's business, any of it. Im only assuming, but you don't judge them for buying a new car or wearing a new purse or watch. I spent money on something that would make me very happy, something I thought was worth the money I work hard to earn. If someone doesn't agree with me then that's perfectly fine, and I can't stand shedding. Lol.
I do think that being a responsible dog owner is a VERY big deal, but if you're making a 15 year commitment to an animal...it should be the animal YOU choose.

[Nancy and Georgia Brown]

To the "how much did it cost?"

My last dog was a mutt from the pound. My inexpensive dog had serious behavioral problems and my costs for training and other dog's vet bills over the years cost me more than a few doodles.

But I speak very quietly about it these days because my "designer" dog has serious allergy issues that may end up costing me way more than my "mutt" that lived 16 years and had no health issues.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Mostly I just say I that Ned and Clancy are poodle mixes unless the interested party is, well, interested.  Yes, I have encountered rude people.  Usually if someone says  the dogs are just mutts, etc. I agree with them and move on (secretly wishing my mutt would growl menacingly at them :-})

As for rescue vs. purchasing, I wrote this in another discussion:

     Each person/family needs to get a dog that is right for them and their situation. I have both rescues and breeder bought doodles and a pure breed dog (2nd of that breed).  You purchase so that you have a 'history.' This is especially important for families with young children, oldsters, and those with special needs. Purchasing a pure breed also gives the buyer (you) control because you pretty much know what your dog will look like and how big he will be as well as a general temperament.  Rescuing is great - you get to save a life.  True rescuing makes NO mention of breed or sex.   Most of us fall somewhere in between.  We might want to rescue, but we also have something in mind.  We want the dog to fit into our family. Rescues are not especially more work than purchasing, just different skill sets are needed.

     Doodles are not a pure breed so their looks, size, care, and activity levels are not consistent. You need to be ready to roll with the punches of most likely having an active dog of unexpected size with unexpected coat care that may or may not shed.  So, whether you purchase a doodle or rescue one, there is less certainty as to its adult physical attributes than you would have with a pure breed dog.  Multigenerational ALD's are more consistent and closer to looking and acting like their parents.

     If you purchase it is imperative that you go to a reputable, experienced breeder who does health testing, is knowledgeable about breeding, and cares very much about the families they place their puppies with.  If you rescue, it is imperative that you go through a reputable non-profit rescue that puts dogs’ forever placement before your wants.  These things will go far to ensure that you have a good and forever fit for your family.

[Cindy and Olive (Ollie)]

Exactly. This is great info, Nancy. People who try to guilt others into a rescue are making a big assumption that a certain family is ready, eligible, and be a good fit with a rescue situation. No one can make that decision except the family itself. We really didn't feel comfortable rescuing as we didn't think the rescue dog would be well served in our home, considering our personal circumstances. On the other hand, choosing Rip, mellow guy, and training him from the start, has worked well with getting our first family dog. We have learned so much. Win-win. :)

[Lori, Winnie, Bob and Indie]

I would bet that the same people that were shaming you for buying a "designer" dog had a closet full of "designer" clothes. Telling someone that they should get all of their pets from an animal rescue is like telling someone they should get all of their clothes from a thriftstore. It meets the needs of some people, but not all. It really should be nobody's business how we choose to spend our money. 

I happen to like going to thrift stores every now and then, BTW. I found a super cute coat that everybody was asking me about- gives me great pleasure to say, "10 bucks at a thrift store"..... it's kinda fun to wear it while I'm walking my $1,200 dog.... :-)  They both give me great joy, and you really can't put a dollar amount on joy!