Empty Nesters

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Comment by Sue & Willy Babe on August 19, 2011 at 1:06pm

  I saw my daughter yesterday ,we met half way so when we move her next weekend We would not have a boat load of STUFF  lol lol  It was so nice to see her, we just talked and not about her moving in with her BF.  She is nervous about starting her job which I told her was normal. 

   And when we left we hugged, then I went to put something else in my car and she asked for another hug !!  It gave me chills and some tears in my eyes.

   I love my daughter, and I think she needed to know that I still loved her too !!

  HAve a great weekend everyone !

Comment by Sue & Willy Babe on August 16, 2011 at 7:20am

  Oh boy thank you My mom is no longer alive so I am so grateful for all of my friends on DK to help me out, I am feeling better already, and it is so true she could be doing some awful stuff, but she is not, Karen is a very loving ,caring adult.

    It is me after reading all these posts I have some growing up to do also. Believe me I will be here when she needs me.

      You are all awesome !

 

Comment by Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom on August 16, 2011 at 7:10am

I think that you could analyze this situation to death and the end result would be the same.  The way that I try to look at these things (and I'm doing this from having done some of these very things you are talking about against my parents wishes) is that everything that we do in our life, regardless of it turns out good or bad, is that it eventually all becomes a part of who we are.  The paths that we take, even if they are the wrong paths may be leading us to the paths that we really are supposed to take in our lives.  To make a long story short, one of the paths that my parents really preferred that I did not take, eventually led me down the path where I met DH, of 25 years.  Even though it was the wrong path, it taught me to look at things differently and led me in a direction that put me in the right place at the right time to meet DH.  When I look back at the things that had to happen in my life to take me from Ohio to England to meet and marry a North Carolina boy, well there were lots of paths and in the end I consider them all good paths to have taken because the end result has not only made me happy, but my parents love him as well.  So, IMO, as long as she isn't doing something that is going to bring harm to her physically (like you know he is doing drugs), she has to go find out who she is, she has to make her own mistakes and (hopefully) learn from all of them.  You have given her a wonderful foundation upon which to build her life ..... now it is time for her to spread her wings and decide who she is and what type of life she wants to build on that foundation.  Your job is not done, but your roll has changed.  Just be there for her to come to when she needs you.

Comment by Sue & Willy Babe on August 16, 2011 at 7:05am

Thank you  !  I wish my own mom would of told me how hard it is, when they grow up and I thought it was when they left for College  : -)     She will be 4 hours away which is going to be okay  because in that area there is a Doggie Hotel so we can take Wilson along    Boy I am so very glad to have my big boy !  It will be okay, Have a place to vent works out so well for me.  I will keep those lines of communication open,

Comment by Jersey, Jasmine, Jypsy and Diane on August 16, 2011 at 7:02am

Hope all works out for all of you. Letting go is hard, but they have to strike out on their own at some point. Both of my daughters live nearby, so I see them often, more that I did when they lived at home almost. Just keep the lines of communication open.

Comment by Sue & Willy Babe on August 16, 2011 at 6:55am

Oh yes they would both be renting together.

Comment by Sue & Willy Babe on August 16, 2011 at 6:53am

Thank you so much for your feed back, I really really need this ,  It is always better, I find to get advice and words of wisdom from others.  Karen Has a job in Rice Lake WI so she can't move back home, and I think what is bothering me also is that I feel that I am loosing her to a different part of our state, and won't see her as much!!!   But that is the part of growing up I have to do (funny huh), of the letting go, as my Dad would probably say "U have to cut that cord".  I agree with you in letting her be aware of the items you had suggested like bills, loss of a job.

   Her BF, from what she tells us is not from a very loving family, his mom divorced his dad at a young age, and does not get along very well with stepdad.

    Yep Girls can be stubborn she is part of German, Irish and Polish,

   I want her to be happy and comfortable with her decisions, we are not pressuring her at all, because we don't want to alienate her, and think we don't like Josh, (we just have to get too know him, and I will be on my best behavior in two weeks). 

   Thank you again and I will mention some of the items you had posted, because I or my DH have not thought about those items. either..

 

  You guys are the BEST !!!!!  

Comment by Jenny and Chester on August 16, 2011 at 6:37am

Well said!

Comment by Jersey, Jasmine, Jypsy and Diane on August 16, 2011 at 6:08am

Sue, I just had to add my two cents. I have two daughters, both married now. The older one lived home till she was married and the younger one, about your daughter's age, moved in with her boyfriend. I had not raised either of them to live together before marriage. I was not happy but they are adults. All you can really do is pray that they remember all the  things you taught them.

One thing kids don't realize that when they move out is how much it costs to set up living in their own home like cooking utensils, dishes, food, silverware, linens, detergents, cleaning supplies, and SO MUCH MORE. This took my daughter by surprise. Are they both renting the house together? What happens if they break up and they are tied down to a long term contract, or one of them loses their jobs. Do they have enough money to pay the bills for awhile, while they are out of work? There are so many things that you could bring to her attention that she may not have thought about. I know you don't want her to move in with him, but you may not be able to stop it and the more you try to stop it, the more she will try to prove to you that she can. Girls can be VERY stubborn.

I would suggest that you try to help her see all the problems she could be facing, before she has to face  them, in the spirit of helping her make the right decisions. Hopefully, she may decide she is biting off more than she can chew and will stay at home awhile long, save some money and get to know her boyfriend better before moving in with him. I'll be praying for you all.

My youngest daughter's husband came from a broken marraige and dysfunctional family. I think he was looking for the stability of a loving family that he had never known, plus he had committment issues in the beginning of their relationship. His dad had just died and mother had been married 3 times. So you can understand why he was afraid to get married.

He is a welcome addition to our family. They have been happily married for almost 3 years and have blessed us with a wonderful little grandson. Both of my daughters have picked wonderful supporting husbands and this is what I wanted for them. I can die happy now. We did not meet his family till the wedding rehersal. They are not marrying the family, but you do have to interact with them on socail occassions. We are all friendly, but not friends. Hang in there and do what you do best, being a loving, supportive, caring mom. ((HUGS))

Comment by Sue & Willy Babe on August 16, 2011 at 5:04am

 I would even like to ask her what her BF mom's thinks ! ! !   KIDS  I don't want to alienate her and make her upset at all, this is so darn hard  I have just been crying, I am loosing my daughter to someone I don't even know  !! I even told my DH last night that I will not be nice to HIM at all,  Of course I am kidding!  Because that is not me too snub anyone !! But I don't think I will be able to Look (BF) in the eyes.

 

   I am really hopping that they are not able to rent this place !!!!

 Thanks goodness for Wilson because I have been hugging, him more than ususal.  Thanks again for Listening any advice I sure could use.

 

Sue

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