If I can't gush here, then No where!!!!

[Jennifer and Jack]

Today I spent the morning with Jack giving him a bath, grooming and nail trimming. He just warms my heart, not usually on grooming days, usually we are so wiped out, that when we are done we go our separate ways and have a rest.

 

Today I went to visit my friend in the hospital, she had a baby and I am the honorary auntie.... I put it off as long as I could the dreaded going into the baby store.. For me, this tears at my heart more then anything... I can get lost in there for hours and hours, looking at the baby furniture, the patterns, car  seats, strollers, and every adorable thing known to the baby kingdom.....

 

I usually am fine with other people being pregnant, why should I begrudge them, besides I don't want to pass my gene along to another human nor could my body carry a child but I still get the longing so badly. I always wonder what it is like to carry another human in my body, It is so fascinating to me and probably the reason in spite of my 14 fibroids growing and my several uterine surgeries, I will not get a hysterectomy.

 

Anyway, I took a deep breath I went in and quickly tried to find things left on the registry that have not been bought yet... Then I peaked in the little boy section........ I almost left with a sling for Jack, yup a baby sling, I almost rationalized it by saying he can not walk on his leg so he needs a baby borjen sling that cost 70 dollars...

 

Walking through the hospital and going past the nursery, I stayed focused on the task at hand. Holding my nephew was amazing, just yesterday he was swimming inside his mom and today he is looking me in the face as best as a brand new baby could do.

 

Just going there and that activity alone wore me out, I was so tired.. but so happy and so thrilled to be this babies honorary auntie, but when I finally got him to this, MY heart just overflowed.... Thank you God for giving me just what I never knew I wanted or needed or could love more then my own  desire to have a child.I love you Jack Daniels, The perfect, perfect thing for me, and YES I DID BUY This robe at the store today!!

[Jena ~ Dublin]

Ann, I pray once I go through menopause that will help.  I am glad I am not the only one that has had to cut all ties with people who are having children.  Its hard, upsetting and very difficult to be happy on the outside, yet cry and being torn on the inside.  Many were sensitive to it, but it was just too much for me.  I agree with Ann, I sink my time into my family and my doods.  I am researching getting another one too....very exciting.  The Lord will bring me around, I am strong in that.  It's amazing how doods can be so gentle and loving and know what you need when you need it.  I guess that is what they were originally bred for, huh!

[Ann Kurtzman]

I've had the same discomfort. Menopause helped to ease those pangs for me. I even have backed off friendships that I had for years, when they had children...just too painful. I was delighted for them of course, but it made me ache clear to my soul.   I've always had dogs...always call them my babies. And now I have Dudley...he is the light of my life (don't tell DH). I think God bringing him to me make up for it in a way.  Just like He brought Jack to you.

[laurie Wells]

I was having trouble sending a message. I tried to send 2 . Somehow it didn't go through. How are you?

[Jena ~ Dublin]

Jennifer, if you don't "need" they hysterectomy, DO NOT get it.  I had to have an ER one in 2008 and I sometimes regret it (not that I had a choice ~ God made it for me) but He has brought me through it, very slowly.  Still I don't understand at 35 yrs old, how HE could put someone through so very much, not this!  HOW?  WHY?  I questioned so many things....I didnt have my doodle at the time, but I had my family & VERY VERY VERY young children.  I had no idea (like Lorraine) what was going on with me until after my 3rd daughter was born in 2004. 

Yes, I struggle too going through these kind of stores or sections of stores.  I struggle every time and have to take a deep breath every time. I just had to do it tonight, right on our way to to baby shower & yes, the baby was there.  I have only been able to hold ONE baby since my surgery & that was my very dear friends little girl.  I still can't do it.  It's been 3 years since my surgery, I still can't do it...don't know if I every will be able to.  For now, the Lord has given me my daughters, we are not sure if any of them have what I have and we will NOT have them plagued with it UNTIL we need to right before they get married, then we will have them tested, for at least what we know is wrong with me.  EDS & the neuropathy ~ if anything else is needed, we will do that at that time.

For now, I sink my time in my doodle, my daughters, my husband and my Lord.  He knitted me perfectly and wonderfully  made me.  I try to remember that as there is a reason for this.  I bothers me I don't see an end sight as far as feeling better, but I know He does, he aready knows the outcome.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Hi is quite the prize Jen - glad you have him!

[DeeDee and Sheila]

Jack Daniels is SO CUTE.  You are a special person.  I can only imagine how it tugs at your heart to go into baby depts. etc.  But your graciouness and your giving nature will take you a long ways.  Nothing is forever.  You never know what will happen around the corner.  After having two children, one who is deaf, I know the feeling of "hmm, I sure didn't plan this".  Now my special girl is 25 yrs old and was just hired by Toyota as an industrial engineer.  So never say never.  Smile. and God Bless. 

[Lorraine Bromley]

It is so nice to be involved with children that aren't your own. In our cases it is just not feasable to have our own, I did have mine before diagnosis and didn't fail them until they were older. It has scared them in some ways taught them in others. But to be able to be that special person for anothers child is a gift and blessing. I have a little cousin that needs me and I am a surrogate parent friend mentor ect. I am so glad that I can have her when I feel up to it. She is getting older and understands that I can't do stuff she would like to do. It bothers her that I sleep all the time. When she is with me we try to do other things like cuddle and talk. No one in her life has the time to do this with her. Most parents struggle to have that one on one time with their children when life is going by so fast. One of the things we do is sit on the computer and show her doodlekisses. I am sure that this baby will need you in his life and you will be there the way you can be and it will make a difference.

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

Our fur-kids are so special to us arent they! My 3 cats and dog bring me such joy, I cant imagine life without them.

Jacky, you look so cute in your robe. Im so glad you help your Mommy feel better.