Noise phobia, anxiety, and my broken heart

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

I never thought I would be a member of this group...but here I am.  I am not sure this should actually be a discussion.  I am not really asking any questions, I just need to  talk and I know DK members will understand.

Last summer, July 2nd, we were at the lake where we go every other weekend, Murphy's favorite place in the world.  I took Murph out to potty and the neighbors unexpectedly shot off huge, loud fireworks.   I almost peed my pants and it scared Murphy to death.  he was a year and a half old and had never been afraid of anything ever.    Since then his fear of fireworks has transferred to thunderstorms, gun shots and most recently the kids next door playing hockey.   Murphy is scared to go outside if he hears the kids playing hockey...and they play every single night from 5:30ish till dark.

This week already it has stormed 4 times AND the hockey every night.   I have been giving Murph Xanax and it does not seem to be helping.......it actually seems to be having an opposite effect on him.

We have tried the thundershirt, D.A.P. diffusers, spray and collar, desensitization cds, Xanax.....with every storm and every hockey episode he is getting more and more afraid.  He has a "safe place"...the laundry room.....he likes the dryer on.  I can't leave the dryer running all day when I am not home.

I have an appointment with a behaviorist at NC State Vet School...but they can't see him until April 19th.

I have been working with his trainer but I am failing.  I am failing as a dog owner, a doodle mom and Murph's best friend.

My heart literally aches for him.  I have never in my life loved any thing, creature, person the way I love Murphy and I feel so helpless.  I am crying as I type...he counts on me for everything and I am failing him.  He is just a baby....he can't go thru his whole life being afraid.  He is afraid to go outside most every night because of the hockey and now it is storming every day.

I know hundreds of thousands of dogs have this same issue....I know that..but I am taking it very personally and I feel helpless.  I think if it were just fireworks and storms I would feel like it was managable..but now, to be scared of his own yard?

Murphy is the smartest, most sensitive and intuitive creature I have ever known...maybe that is why he is so sensitive to the noise.

Thank you for listening.

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

Ronna, you are a great doodle mom.  This is not something you caused.  Mae West has anxiety with thunderstorms, fireworks and gun shots for about 2 years now.  DAP didn't work, Rescue Remedy helped the first couple of time and the thundershirt helps the most.  When this first started I was making things worse by saying things like "its okay, your alright".  I was reinforcing something was wrong.  What has helped the most is by saying things like "enough, that'll do, knock it off" in a normal tone of voice.  One of my past fosters Miley had severe anxiety.  What worked for her was walking.  By me taking control and being a strong leader it allowed Miley to feel safe and relax a little.  So I thought I would give it a try with Mae West.  Instead of walking we work on simple commands during thunderstorms.  Her anxiety attacks are not gone but do not last as long.  After a few minutes of working she is able to lay down next to me in the chair or on the floor by my feet.  Now that I'm back to work and it's storm season I do worry about her.  I put her thundershirt on before going to work and turn calming music on.  We have already had three thunderstorms.  Since my DH is home between jobs he was able to check on her.  DH said he came in the house about 20 minutes into the storm and she was curled up behind the chair next to the wall.  It was comforting to know she wasn't pacing around the house panting. 

I hope the behaviorist can help.

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Thank you so much to anyone's suggestions that I didn't comment on.  Sorry don't want to take over DK with my problems.  Thank you everyone for understanding and caring and helping.  It means more than you know.

[Judy Ingram - Oliver & Cooper]

So, so sorry for you.  Funny story that happened to me about 18 yrs. ago on the 4th of July. A one eyed Shitzsu (?) came running into my home because of fireworks. She would not leave even the next day.  I fed her and looked her over, invited her to leave when she wanted, but noticed her tummy was quite large. As a former show dog breeder, I was pretty sure she was pregnant. Took her to the Vet and he confirmed...2 days later 4 pure bred puppies were born.  We finally found her owner after the pups were 8 wks. old. I had a great time, but fell in love with her and hated to see her go. 

My Oliver gets upset when furniture is moved or even if someone places something unusual in his line of sight. I wish I could help you. Your Murphy is beautiful.

[Deborah DeRose]

Ronna,  I just want to confirm that you haven't failed.  Just the fact that you care so much proves it! I know how hard it is not to be able to fix everything for your doodle - believe me.    I wish I had a magic answer for you. I am reaching here, because my dogs do not have the anxiety that Murphy has - but have you heard about the anti-anxiety jacket for dogs , which specifically targets his problem?   I have no experience with it, and can't say one way or the other if it will help, but I had to let you know that it is out there.  Here is the link - I wish the best for you and Murphy. https://anxietywrap.com/default.aspx

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

Ronna you are not in any way, shape, or form failing.  I don't know if this will work, but what if you let Murphy go to his safe spot and then take a CD player in there with you and very softly play a CD that has thunderstorm sounds.  Give him some treats and a lot of praise if he stays calm (which he should if you start softly enough) and then gradually increase the volume.  You could even try looking on You Tube for a video of kids playing hockey and just try to expose him to the sounds while he is inside your home.  Not sure if it will work, but it is just a thought.  My trainer told me that when Ollie is afraid of something to make sure that I don't try to reassure him because then that reinforces the fear.  I'm supposed to either ignore it or praise him for any positive reaction (no matter how small it may be).

Have you tried going outside with him just before the kids come out to play hockey.  See if you can get him out there and get him settled and distracted before the playing starts.  How well do you know the kids?  Might they be interested in helping you do some training with him.  Maybe get one kid to come out early so there are still the sounds but not to the same extent as when a bunch of kids are out there.

[Patti]

Keep your chin UP! Stay positive! Take one day at a time! 

Have you tried ear muff? With Willow I have tried everything else, the wrap etc. However the vet at UC Davis suggested ear muffs for dogs. you can find them online. Also if you often have your TV or radio on during the day, try turning them up to loud when there are outside noise's around.

Also , "A Guide to Living With & Training a Fearful Dog" By Debbie Jacobs, recommends Music:

www. throughadogsear.com/canine-noise-phobia-series/

Dont blame yourself, you did nothing to blame yourself for. 

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions.  Tonight no hockey and no thunderstorms.....but guess what?  Someone is shooting a damn gun.  I wish I were kidding but I am not.  I feel like the world has it in for Murphy right now.  Last night I didn't sleep one wink....I was watching Murph sleep and listening....just listening for any sound that might wake him and scare him.  I am doing my very best to be strong for him.   We went on a long exhausting walk this evening, he could hear the gunshots but he did really well, probably because he was exhausted. We live on a golf course and he did well when we walked by people hitting their ball.  He noticed it but didn't try to run.  When we got home he was stressed and asked to be in the laundry room.  I think he hears the gun shots from inside the house and I can't hear them. I am trying really hard to be strong and confident for him and also for Wilson.  I don't want baby Wilson to pick up on Murph's anxiety or mine.

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Patti, have you tried the music? It sounds interesting.   I also like Donna's idea of making a recording of the dryer running.  Wish I were a tad more tech savvy....

[Bonnie and Kona]

Ronna, I am just reading about Murphy's anxiety for the first time. I am so very sorry for both of you! I have the CD Through A Dog's Ear. We used it a lot when one of our dog's died and the other was left, plus we had a busy puppy. It does seem to be really soothing. I hope it works well for you. It is classical piano music played very slowly. Not unpleasant at all for the people in the house. We usually played it when we were leaving home but we could tell it was helping.

[Ronna, Murphy & Wilson]

Thank you Bonnie.  I haven't ordered the cd yet but think I will.  It can't hurt anything!

[Bonnie and Kona]

We even put it on when our grandchildren were babies and spending the night. We thought it might help them settle??? Murphy and Wilson are two of my favorites and I am so sad to hear that you are going through this difficult time.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

My heart breaks for you also.  I really feel your pain.  My sweet Springer has severe separation anxiety = not the same problem as Murphy at all, but my heart breaks at those times we have come home to hear him howling, with slobbery ears and chest oblivious to anything but his torment.  I wish you success when you get to the Vet School behaviorist.  I see you have tried de-sensitization  and that would be my only idea - exposure to the sounds from the safety of his own porch.  Could you run a fan in your laundry room as white noise instead of the dryer?