It's so quiet... sans paws...

[Mandy & Benny]

It will be six weeks this Sunday that I lost Riley.  He was the first dog I've ever had, and I couldn't imagine ever having one better.  I've cried every single day since he passed, but for whatever reason, yesterday I woke up and smiled at the thought of him instead of reaching for the tissue box in anticipation of the waterworks.  I teared up as I smiled, but I didn't have the usual sob-fest.  Finally- progress!  I'm still plagued by guilt and emptiness, but I guess this is a step forward.  I kind of feel guilty for it though, if that makes sense... kind of like I'm leaving him behind.  I know I have to move forward, I'm just having a hard time doing so without him.  I can't look in the backyard, I can't clean the nose smears off of my front windows where he spent so much time, I can't move his giant bed to the basement where I can't see it.  I still wait to hear the tap-tap-tap down the hallway and the nudge at my feet when he thought I was taking up too much of his space on my bed.  The silent house is really making me nuts.  Clearly I'm not past my loss yet, but do any of you think it would be a good idea to start seriously thinking about another doodle?  In some ways I think I should, based on how difficult it is for me to be alone in my house.  At the same time I get a feeling of being disloyal to Riley, kind of like I'm tossing him aside for someone else.  

A friend of mine who bought a doodle because of her love for Riley told me she is getting another one. There are a few in that litter not yet reserved, they should be ready to go at the beginning of June.  They are going to be red, not light like Riley.  I've been going back and forth with it, thinking that by then perhaps I won't be a mess over the thought anymore.  I hate to use the word 'replace', but I've never had to get a pet to take the place of a previous love.  I'm sure many of you have before- how do you do it and not feel like you are being disloyal to the one you lost?  I appreciate any suggestions from all of you wise doodle lovers...

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

I think you should get another dog right away.  This does not diminish your Riley memories but reinforces the wonderful influence he had on your life.  You now want to share your love and world with a four legged friend; what a great legacy he left you.  I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do.

[Diane, Baker & Oskar]

I've always thought of the new puppy as a compliment to the dog who has passed.  If the love for the lost dog hadn't been wonderful & complete, one wouldn't be considering a new one.

As much as we'd like our dogs to live much longer, they cannot.  Riley is not being 'replaced'...you cannot change the fact that Riley passed away...& you are not dishonoring Riley by getting a puppy.  Please don't think of yourself as 'disloyal' for thinking of a puppy.  The only way you could be disloyal to Riley by getting a puppy would be if you gave Riley away & you didn't do that.  

Think of the fun you'd have planning for a puppy, especially if you & your friend get litter mates.  It would absolutely be the best thing you could do for yourself & for the new puppy.  If it would help, you could use Riley's name somehow for the new one.  Maybe you could consider the opposite sex, or at least the different color you mentioned, so the new dog would have it's own identity.  

Please let us know what you decide.  Please do what will make you happy :)

[BG and Gavin]

Oh Mandy.  It has been such a difficult time.  I say go for it.  Having your friend along for the ride will be great fun and give you something positive to focus on.  Riley will be looking down saying "I broke you in, you'd better use all the things I taught you to raise another dog!"

 

[Cindy Bowles]

Like Karen we have gone thru this several times also.  Like Karen said it isn't a replacement...it is a different chapter.   Follow your heart and trust your instincts.  But aren't we all so very blessed that these four legged fur faced friends picked us to take care of them while they were passing thru on their journeys. 

[Lori, Daphne, Lucy & Pippa]

I lost my best friend to bone cancer one year ago. She was a Golden Retriever and shed... A Lot! I couldnt bring myself to clean up the hairballs that I knew were underneath the furniture until recently. I left her bed in my room for about six months. Her nose smudges stayed on my windows for months. Her very favorite toy was a blue octopus from Kyjen named Oakley. She also had a red & green one that she got for Christmas. They were both raggedy from much love. I couldn't bring myself to just toss them out. So I put them in a shopping bag in my dining room. I could still see them and knew they were there. It gave me comfort to have them. When we had family coming over for Easter last week and needed to use the dining room, I was confronted with the toys. I finally was able to look at them and realize that they weren't my Chloe and I wasn't being disloyal by throwing them away. Really, what was I going to do? Put them in a frame? They wouldn't fit in a scrapbook! I thought about putting them out in the garage but they would just be taking up space. I was able to make peace with just throwing them away, like I had all the previous blue Octopus that got too old and had to be thrown out. I did have a pang of guilt but I did it anyway. 

All of these things did not stop me from getting a new puppy after only 2 months. I couldn't stand coming home to an empty house and no one there to greet me. That silence is deafening! Daphne filled that hole in my heart with all her puppy love & kisses. Preparing for a new puppy is a wonderful time and will help you to move forward in the grieving process. A puppy is such a blessing and will love you unconditionally! And you just might find yourself smiling a lot more! Leave those smudges on the window till you feel comfortable cleaning them. The new puppy wont care! I often find myself wishing that Chloe could have known Daphne. I think they would have been great pals!

[Traci -Bexter & Maggie]

I too know this feeling.  I remember coming into the door was the worst.  I would always be looking for my sweet Ruby.  I was so used to being greeted when I came home.  Then, when I would walk around the house sometimes I would be looking around like something was missing.  I still feel that way now when I take the doodles to the groomer's.  Just an empty feeling.  I think the best thing you could do is to get another dog.  When I first decided to get Bexter I felt guilty about it because of Ruby.  Someone told me that the new puppy will have part of Ruby's spirit and it will help her spirit live on.  I totally feel that way about Bexter.  My loving Bexter is an extension of my loving Ruby.  It's kind of hard to explain, but you'll understand when you get a new puppy.  You will look lovingly into that puppy's eyes and see that puppy and love it for its own self, but you will also see Riley in those eyes too.  Good luck whenever you decide to get that puppy and keep us posted.

[Wendy and Myla]

Oh Mandy, I know just how you feel.  Our beloved Zak died August 21, 2011 at the very young age of five from EPI.  I was so depressed, cried lots and almost immediately wanted another doodle!  I didn't want another black one because I felt that would be too close to Zak but then found out that there were red ones and that is what I wanted.  My DH thought I was crazy - he said he couldn't go through the heartbreak again - but that is all I wanted!  I knew that I needed another doodle puppy to smile again and so on May 7,2012 we brought home Myla!  I was also worried about being disloyal to Zak but as others have said, I truly believe Zak is part of Myla in spirit and showing her the ropes and is smiling down on her and us!  I am crying right now as I write this!  Zak was a wonderful part of our life and so easy to train and Myla is even easier - it's as if all she wants to do is make us happy!  We buried Zak on our property and every time I pass her, I smile and thank her for making us fall so completely in love with her that we wanted another doodle to bring laughter and love back in our lives!  Zak will always hold a special place in our hearts and it's only because of her that we have our Myla!  We do compare the two dogs once in a while - Zak was definitely more poodle than retriever and Myla was more retriever as a puppy but as she is maturing, we definitely see the poodle gait that Zak had and the same run!  When Zak had the zoomies we would call it a "Zak Attack" and now when Myla has the zoomies, we still call it a Zak Attack.  We are so blessed to have such awesome dogs in our lives - I can still cry when I see pictures of Zak but then Myla nuzzles her head on my lap and my heart swells - I think if you are thinking of getting a puppy, you should go with your heart.  I honestly believe that Riley is there in spirit and wants you to be happy again and knows that you will make the best puppy momma ever to a brand new puppy and he will be there to help you!!!  Good Luck!

[Charlotte and Bo]

When I think about all my old friends it still brings a tear to my eye, but this house is empty without a dog.  I have always found another dog not too long after having lost one.  It doesn't have anything to do with disloyalty or replacement.  They are all different.   I just love dogs and what they bring to all of us that do. 

[Adrienne]

I am so sorry about your loss.  I believe Karen said it best and I especially love the quote.  I wish that someone had sent it to me when I lost my Max last October.  I will always have my wonderful memories of Max that make me laugh and cry.  But, I know in my heart that my house is incomplete without a dog--not as a replacement--but as a new relationship filled with unconditional love.  Good luck.

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

Mandy I think you just have to take it day by day and you will know when it is the right time.  Your heart will tell you!  I do not believe it is replacing another dog, you will be adding a new life into your heart and home.  Thinking of you!

[DJ & Chance]

No dog will replace Riley.  But another dog will fill your life with joy when you are ready.

When my Sally died, I grieved for years and one day I finally knew that I needed another dog in my life.  I've had Chance for 7 months now, and my life is so much richer because of this.

Everyone needs to do this at their own pace.  Trust your heart and instincts!

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Karen, I love your answer! It is so true.

Mandy, some people can't live without paws and that may be Riley's greatest gift to you. You're not replacing Riley - no dog will ever take Riley's place.  Your heart will simply grow big enough to love them both.  You will tell the new pup about Riley and in the quiet hours (of which there will be few :) you'll tell Riley about how your day went with his little brother or sister.  You'll laugh and cry at some things that remind you of Riley, and you'll see wonderful new things in this pup that are all his own.   In a funny way, letting your heart grow will not only heal it, it will keep Riley close.  Since your friend got her first dog because of Riley --and it's unusual for a litter not to be reserved-- may be that a pup that's meant to be yours is waiting in that litter.  I wish you all the best in your decision.