Not connecting with puppy

[Discussing Labradoodles & Goldendoodles]

Ember is 6 months old now and I just don't feel any connection towards her and it seems lIke she doesn't feel a connection either (she doesn't get excited when we get home, never tries to cuddle or kiss on me, spends most of her time in the other room away from the family) I am really trying to build a relationship with her, I try to play and cuddle and I take her for walks daily, I use an excited voice to greet her when we come home but honestly it's just not there. I feel horrible about this but I'm not sure what else I can do? We had a golden retriever growing up that was my best friend! I absolutely adored that dog and I just felt like it was that perfect dog/person relationship like you see in movies haha but with Ember it is NOTHING like that, its more like I just tolerate her.Is it possible that she's just not the right dog for our family and we will never build a connection or is it normal for it to just take some time??

[Richard Crowe]

I have found that one way to build a connection with a dog is to keep the dog by your side as much as possible, 24/7.  Keep a lead on her and have her follow you around the house sitting by your computer or by your couch when watching TV.  Take her with you in the car as often as possible (given weather or appointment restrictions). Have her sleep with you (unless you totally object to dogs on the bed).

Join a training group (Petco often has them).  Training is another way to build a bond.

Clicker training is a great way of establishing a relationship.  We have started a routine of clicker training with Pepsi and Cola who were recently rescued while living in a tunnel under 14 lanes of Los Angeles Freeway...

Here is a video of Pepsi and Cola being rescued...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWkc5-1kNhY

One of the first routines in clicker training is to use the clicker and high value treats to establish eye contact between your dog an you. Have the dog on a lead, when she looks at you, click and give the treat.  Continue this routine and she will realize that looking at you will get her a reward.  That is the first routine and you can build on that. Do a YouTube search using "clicker training for dogs" as your search parameters...

I hesitate to mention this but, dogs are very acute in deciphering the emotions of their humans (some dogs more so than others).  Could you, by body language, voice tone or facial expression have given your doodle any indication that you were disappointed in her.

Finally, did she get human nurturing as a very young puppy.  Iy is said that if a puppy doesn't receive close human nurturing by 8-weeks old, it becomes difficult for that dog to bond with humans later in life.  We had a rescue Maltese who had been in a puppy mill cage for 8-years without human contact.  We had this dog for an additional five and a half years and, although she did love me, it was difficult for her to actually show love...

[Gracie, Jade, & Barkley]

Is that Pepsi or Cola in the photo above?
What an amazing rescue!

[Emery & Watson]

at first glance, Ember sounds like a cat :) just kidding...

Is she food or play motivated?  perhaps more of one or the other with her will let her associate you with something more exciting.  For example, if its food, then no free feeding, or if it is play then always keep a toy box and you are always the one to bring out new toys (and put them away)

Training has been great for my relationship with my pup and I've read and noticed that he's gotten cuddlier after his neutering.  Is she spayed?

[Lori, Winnie, Bob and Indie]

It sounds like she just prefers to be more by herself than other pups typically do. That's not necessarily a bad thing unless you really wanted a more cuddly dog. Who knows, maybe as she gets older she might turn out to be a big snuggle bug with either you or your kids. TIme will tell. And, I agree with the recommendations of training and tethering to build a bond between the two of you.

In the meantime, try to look more on the bright side: An independent and secure dog like her will likely never develop seperation anxiety. And, she'll likely never be a very exciteable dog that has a bad habit of jumping up on people. Those are 2 very big advantages. :-)

 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Actually I think Ember is exactly the right dog for your family and has adapted to your needs perfectly.  I know you think you are missing something, but you aren't.  If you had a dog who wanted, needed, demanded constant attention, you would be pulling your hair out.  If you are chasing after 3 children   of 5 and under, when do you think you would have one more second?  Seriously, take her to classes and spend as much time as possible with her and include her in as much family stuff as you can.  You will grow to appreciate her undemanding, quieter ways.  One of our doodles is much more cat-like in his behavior.  He is not a snuggler, loves laying in other rooms and doesn't appear to need us.  However, his preference is mostly sleeping on our bed at night and when we take him out, he sticks pretty close to us, so I know he looks to us to be his 'back up confidence.

[Karen & Maple]

I concur with the above comments especially the advise to link her to you as much as possible. I don't mean to be presumptuous-as I'm not a mom. But I am an aunty of many and babysit at my home a lot. When young ones are over, Maple tends to keep a safe distance. Is it possible Ember feels overwhelmed by your little ones? Either way, she seems to handle it well by just keeping her space. Perhaps her 'easy going' attitude is really a blessing? I can't imagine how challenging it would be with a high energy pup and 3 little ones every day. Appreciate her for what she is- a well behaved good girl and family member who has trouble communicating her feelings and needs your unconditional geniune love. (Richard- I'm ear to ear smiles watching that video :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

 I really think Karen has hit the nail on the head. Ember is a very smart pup who was a bit overwhelmed from a very young age and has learned to keep a safe distance. All you have to do is re-read this discussion from September in which you were concerned about her being aggressive when at 5 months old "she was laying down and he's runs over and jumps on her so she turned around and snapped at him." "he's a rough little dude so it's taking a lot for me to teach him that we don't jump on the dog, or stab her with your pretend swords, or throw balls in her face, etc (I think you get the idea of how he plays ha)" "and I have a 9 month old who is now crawling and she doesn't understand to be gentle with puppy" 

Read more here: http://www.doodlekisses.com/forum/topics/aggression-should-i-be-wor...

I think this might be why she spends her time in another room away from the family. 

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

I think Karen and Karen have nailed it.  Personally I'd hide as well.  3 under 5 would be very overwhelming.  I might suggest that when the kids are napping or in bed at night that you get some really yummy treats, put them in your pocket and find Ember and snuggle.  Make it your special time.  Give her some belly rubs and rub her ears.  Find some time when you can just take Ember and go for a walk.  Leave everyone else with Hubby.  Go to Rural King with just Ember.  Always have really yummy treats.  Go to training with just Ember.  Give her some Mommy and Me time.

[Gail and Bailey]

It took my doodle a year to sleep with us or cuddle with us on the couch or get excited when we came home. I was heart broken thinking I would not have a sweet cuddler who was happy to see me. See matured and is now by my side on the couch and at my feet in bed and she goes nuts when she hears my car drive into the garage. Give it time.

[Jessica, Loki and Moose]

I agree with what others have said as far as her needing space and feeling overwhelmed but she also may just enjoy "alone time". I have two doodles and the older of the two, I call my Velcro Dog because he is literally velcro-ed to my side and is constantly around and attentive to me. The younger one on the other hand could spend hours chewing on a toy in a room by him self or just sitting on the day bed looking out the window, he loves his space. Both of them love to play with each other but if I'm sitting reading a book, my younger doodle would never sit by me. Maybe Ember just falls into the "self reliant" category?

[Jessica, Loki and Moose]

I can tell you from having both polar opposites at the same time, they each have their benefits and disadvantages so enjoy what you have :)

[Debb, Lucy & Oscar]

This is such an interesting discussion, as I kind of felt the same way about Lucy in the beginning. She wasn't such an easy dog as a puppy either (certainly not as easy as your Ember). High strung, nippy, independent and aloof. It wasn't until she was 5 months old that we started to bond. We'd always had a connection, but that true bond seemed elusive. Structured training helped, as well as the fact that she was my husband's and my first dog ever. We had no specific expectations of what a dog could be to us. 3 years later when Oscar joined our family we realized what a cuddly, sweet-natured dog could be. We are so thankful that Lucy was our first, as we would no doubt have been disappointed with her on some level (maybe even subconsciously) had Oscar been the first. Is it possible, after your strong bond with your childhood Golden, that your expectations might be hampering your ability to connect with Ember? I have to tell you, that even with Oscar, it took many months before he and I developed a strong bond. He's my Velcro dog now (he's currently sleeping at my feet). Give it time, it will come.